remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize