worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
