Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
