We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
