just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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