I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
