I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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