I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You are the jesus of drinking
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
