he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
