You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
