At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
