so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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