I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
