do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
