I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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