i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
