I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
honey bunches of taint.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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