So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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