pop tarts are not kleenex
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
