Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
