its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
