yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
