They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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