I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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