the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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