if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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