Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
