he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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