Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize