I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
