Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
