I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
