he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
