Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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