I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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