Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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