I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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