Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
