NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
