I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
