Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
