Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
