The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
