I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish i was in the wii world.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
