Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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