What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
