I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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