Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
