If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
