When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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