we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
