I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
