Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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