My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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