I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
