ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
