Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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