Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just had sex bonerless
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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