Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
