24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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