I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
