hell yes lets make some ravioli
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
