Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Barsexuality is the new black.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
