ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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