i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
