I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
