idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize