Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
