Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
