i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize