Need sex. Gaining weight.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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