Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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