You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
