I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you still have your period?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
