So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
