You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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