If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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