Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
