Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
