I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
