By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my shit smells like andre
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
