There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
