hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize