i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
