i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
