He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
