I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
