I hate your face
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
