Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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