i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
