If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
