Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
