I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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