How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
