But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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