this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
