He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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