if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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