She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
