you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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