I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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