I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
