you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
