My room smells like vodka and shame
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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