I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He did a backflip because drugs
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