Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
