So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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