Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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