i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
