i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
honey bunches of taint.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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