eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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