I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
