Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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