Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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