Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
