dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
