My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
